I didn't drop anything (aka a Japanese funeral)

Today was Hiroshi's dad's funeral. We started the day praying. As I had been through this before when Hiroshi's brother died, I knew what to say and the general procedure. My mother-in-law makes small stools that you can slip under you bum - perfect for relieving a bit of the pain from sitting seiza (on your knees with your feet under you bum). These are a godsend for me because I can't sit seiza for more than about 5 seconds. I still lost all circulation in my legs though.

In Japan, the deceased is not embalmed, but put into a plain unfinished wood casket and left in the house for visitation. The funeral home had packed dry ice in there, and the lid was put on top to keep things cool. At the head of the casket there was a small window that was covered with a piece of white silk. This could be removed and so you could see him. There was also a beautifully embroidered silk insulating cloth on top of the casket.

After we prayed, the funeral helper removed the lid and took out the dry ice. Then we placed twigs of a special tree inside (I don't know what it is, but it has fairly large, dark green, oval shaped leaves). Then the lid was replaced and he was taken to the hearse. Hiroshi rode in the hearse, followed by Keiko and I, and then my mother-in-law and two uncles (brothers of my father-in-law).

At the funeral home, Hiroshi laid incense on top of the casket, and then it was rolled into the crematorium. You actually stand in front of the hearth (I don't know what the proper name is for the burning room). This was really hard for Hiroshi and quite upsetting to me as well. It is the equivalent of the first handful of dirt thrown on the casket in a burial service. The doors closed and everyone prayed some more and then we went up to the waiting room.

In the waiting room we had some snacks and talked. One of my uncles-in-law is really talkative and full of life, while the other is quiet and introverted. Hiroshi's cousin (talkative uncle's son) had been in the Ohio working the last time we saw met Hiroshi's uncle, but apparently they had moved back home - into Hiroshi's uncle's house. We talked a bit about real estate and the cost of heating and gas, and then moved on to nuclear power - comparing North America and Japan. All of this of course was translated by Hiroshi (who did a super great job) because I had no idea what his uncle was saying. The quiet uncle didn't say too much except to make one joke. Actually, it was kind of amusing because his personality seems similar to Hiroshi's.

After an hour we went back to the crematorium area. Again, as I had been through this before, I was prepared. The first time I experienced a Japanese funeral I was a bit shocked. "Ashes" is a misnomer. I always thought when someone was cremated, that they turned into real ash - like you would find in a fire place. Boy was I wrong. In Japan, the body is burned at a temperature so that the bones are very brittle and crumble easily, but still remain intact. They are then placed on a large tray on a table in a special room.

The family then gathers around the table. In two's, you take very long chopsticks, pick up a bone together and transfer it to the urn. This requires not only skill at balancing a large bone (i.e. a femur) in extra long chopsticks, but doing so with another person. My greatest fear was that I would drop the bone, or worse, that my chopsticks would cross, thus flinging the bone in a twirling motion across the room. That would have been aweful. Luckily, everything went smoothly. (Note: this is why you do not pass food chopsticks to chopsticks in Japan). After each pair had put one bone in the urn, everyone just used their hands. As we placed the bones in the urn, a funeral attendant used a giant wooden pestle to crush them into small pieces. Finally, the skull bones were placed on top.

After that everyone goes to the sinks to wash their hands, the funeral organizer (that was Hiroshi) takes the urn (which is inside a silk box) and you go back home. Before entering the house, you rub salt in your hands and then pour water over them to cleanse yourself. Then you can go inside. The urn is placed on the family altar and everyone prays again. After that, a food offering is given (there are special small bowls for this purpose, and you also put pristine condition fruit on the alter). Food is offered daily, but I'm not sure for how long. I think it is for the full 49 days until the burial ceremony. The urn stays in the house for the 49 days, after which it is placed in the family plot.

So that is the Japanese funeral experience. Hiroshi had to say some things in super polite Japanese, so he had to memorize the sentences (polite Japanese is not spoken in every day language). I helped him with this in the morning... and actually remember part of it myself now.... despite not knowing what it actually means. He said the first half of the lines after we brought the urn home... but I didn't hear the second half, so maybe he got out of saying them since it was only immediate family present. That would have been lucky, because he had to write cheat notes on his finger in case he forgot what he was supposed to say. Ingenious idea - much less conspicuous than on your palm.